"I have always been an inquisitive intellectual type with particular
interests in archaeology, ancient history, religion/mythology, and mysticism
- hence my job as a software engineer ;). Over the years I read a lot ABOUT
the Bible, mostly non-positive (i.e. not actively hostile), derived from a
secular/historical or mystical perspectives, but I rarely read the Bible
itself (except for Revelation). I was never an atheist (I always felt
atheism to be dead and ultimately empty) or even an agnostic (I always felt
sure that God IS real); I was essentially a syncretic (syncretistic?) theist
grounded in basic ethics (a very convenient philosophy, BTW). I used to feel
that "I know too much about history and religions to take the Bible at face
value." (Boy, talk about hubris!)
"It was with this mind-set and world view that I first began poking around on
the Internet. I was amazed at the amount of thought (good, bad, ugly,
horrific, sublime,...) floating around "out there." Once in a while I came
across a truly well done and reasoned piece that addressed some of my areas
of interest. One such piece exploded one of my long-held beliefs (I'm too
embarrassed to say which). The episode got me to admit that my thinking and
reasoning were not as critical and robust as I liked to imagine. I realized
that much of my belief was based not so much on the quality of the research
presented (as long as it LOOKED well-researched) as on how well it fit into
or enhanced my world view (probably pretty typical scenario for people like
me). If I had a background in formal philosophy I could probably make that
last statement sound MUCH more profound ;).
"With this new insight I began to "critically examine everything," including
my basic beliefs about the Bible, and I began applying the model of my
previous faulty thought processes to most things I read - and found most of
them, including many Christian views, to exhibit the same weakness. (That
isn't to say that I am a paragon of clear thinking now, but I'm a lot better
than I was.) Through this process I began to gain much more respect for
Christian claims and the reliability of the NT texts (a particular "sore
spot" I used to have). BTW, some of this respect came through the "back
door" via atheist and satanist apologetics sites.
"At this point I had something of an epiphany that broke down the last
barriers of my unbelief and forced me to take a stand. Soon after this,
however, the old intellect began nagging at me and implying that I had had
an emotional reaction and I shouldn't take it too seriously. I began REALLY
reading the Bible for the first time, and I prayed for support (almost
daring God to make good on His claims); that is when I found my way to this
and other similar sites. In addition to girding up and cementing my belief
in Christ these sites have helped keep me from becoming intellectually lazy
in my new beliefs. It is comforting to know that an intellectual Christian
is not an oxymoron. Ironically, one of my greatest regrets is that I never
discussed my doubts and feelings with my earthly father who was one of the
most intellectual yet TRULY Christian people I have ever known.
"So that is where I stand today at 3X years old, growing in my faith every
day yet still a babe! Through the exercise of critiquing Bloodline of the
Holy Grail I have found that I enjoy this type of apologetics activity, but
I also realize that I am not yet ready to take on the Goliaths of unbelief.
I have been praying that God will show me how I am to be used (in His time),
that I have the discernment to recognize His call and the strength to follow
it.
"Sorry to impose this long response (almost as long as some of yours) on you; feel free to use any of it in your Tank if you see fit.